The SETI institute* has just launched a new program called ‘Earth Speaks’. It poses the question ‘If we discover intelligent life beyond Earth, should we reply, and if so, what should we say?’ Check out their website here.
Some of the responses have been pretty interesting. They range from the reverent ‘We are pleased to know we are not alone. We would like to be be friends with you, if that is possible,’ to the hospitable ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ to the socially conscious ‘Help! Without your assistance we are doomed to kill ourselves off,’ to the highly irreverent ‘Oh hyperintelligent pan-galactic beings, how can unworthy humans create underwear that does not chafe?’ and my personal favorite ‘Word Up, Yo?’
Now we at Radiant Attack think that it’s important to know what to say to aliens if they do land in our backyard. But the SETI institute is ignoring one major factor: not all aliens are the same. For example, you’re not going to say the same thing to the Alien Mother as you would to Alf. (Maybe you would just tell them both to rack off…)
I’ve compiled a list here of great first contact lines, so don’t say you’re unprepared.
Alien Mother: We’ve got Sigourney Weaver, and we aren’t afraid to use her.
Vulcans: Love long and prosper.
Klingons: Hey, I’ve seen you guys every time I go to the toilet.
Dr Who: Do you really drive a Tardis? Can I see it? And if you’re really a time lord, can you make last Saturday night disappear?
Mork: Oh god, not another Robin Williams! Shoot him, dammit!
Ford Prefect: So long and thanks for all the fish.
Kang and Kodos: You must have the wrong planet. There are no yellow beings here.
Jar Jar Binks: Get off my planet and out of my prequels!
Ferengi: You’ve arrived at heaven, and it’s called Las Vegas.
Superman: Take me to your ice cave…
Alf: I’ve got Alf POGS.
ET: Here, use my iPhone.
Feel free to add your own below!
*For those of you who haven’t watched the X-Files, the SETI institute is dedicated to the search for extra-terrestrial life. Basically aliens.