Is it embarrassing that my first ever post on this blog is about a Zac Efron movie? I’m going to say “yes”, but that’s not going to hold me back. While it was not my idea to go to this film, neither can I honestly claim that I was bribed, blackmailed or otherwise dragged into the cinema against my will. Yes, I went with a girl I like.

So what did I know about this film before I went in? It is a “family” movie of the type most often associated with Disney (though in this case put out by Warner), staring the nearly-too-pretty leading man from the phenomenon that was High School Musical. It was likely to be a sappy love story that ran the whole gamut of Hollywood cliche. Okay, so I pretty much knew what to expect, but that ain’t going to stop me telling you what I thought.

The film’s opening was not promising. Pretty-boy Efron (I can’t be bothered remembering his character’s name, he seemed to be playing himself) has to perform in the big basketball game in order to get himself a college scholarship. Instead, he flees the court in pursuit of his pregnant girlfriend, who has just broken up with him. We then switch to an older version of Efron’s character (now played by Matthew Perry), who has let regrets about fleeing the game and hence missing out on college sour his relationships with his wife and two children. Then he randomly meets a janitor who looks like Santa Claus and inexplicably reverts to the age of seventeen, thereby giving him the chance to do things differently.

So far, so lame. The unexplained sci-fi nonsense I can take. It’s a plot device and nothing more. My main problem with the film’s setup is the implication that getting into college by being good at sport is in any way a noble or worthwhile path. This is a fact of the American education system that is utterly disturbing to me, and which should not be celebrated. Although the film is largely set at a school, academic performance is never mentioned. Well, it is mentioned once – Efron’s friend Ned prepares fake documents to get Zac into the school, which describe him as a straight-A student. One would have thought that with that record and his 40-year-old’s brain, he could waltz into a college place without bouncing a single ball.

Thankfully, Zac soon realises that there may be more important things in life that playing ball, like helping his own kids deal with the pressures of high school. Unfortunately, this is where things get even stupider. He helps his wussy son get onto the basketball team (again the implication being that sport is what makes a man), and protests against his daughter dating the school bully. This latter may seem admirable, though it’s actually pretty creepy to watch a father follow his children around and interfere with their lives without their knowledge. What really annoyed me, however, was the way the film ties the hideous cliche of a “bad person” (the bully she is dating has absolutely no redeeming features) to the idea of teenage sex.

There are several scenes that imply that any seventeen-year-old who was to even entertain the idea of sex must be either a (male) bully or a (female) slut. Oh, unless they’re “in love”, like Zac was when he knocked up his girl all those years ago. What? As far as I recall, when I was seventeen I was in love with any girl who looked at me twice. I’m reminded of a recent South Park episode, where Christian boy band The Jonas Brothers and their parent company Disney are lambasted for using sex to sell their product to children, while adding a superficial anti-sex message to placate conservative parents. If Zac’s not sex in pants, I don’t know who is.

Alright, I’ll stop whinging for a moment and tell you what I did like about the movie. Quite a lot of the jokes are actually funny. There are some beautifully awkward scenes when first Zac’s wife (who is now twenty years older than him) and then his daughter are attracted to him, causing all sorts of discomfort. His daughter, by the way, is played by Buffy’s Michelle Trachtenberg, and is also sex in pants. But the highlight of the film is the subplot that follows Zac’s ultra-nerdy friend Ned as he attempts to seduce the haughty school principal. It is pure silliness, but lacking the sappiness and moralising of the main plot, it is also hilarious. It ends well when the couple discover that they can both speak Elvish, whereupon the principal utters the immortal line “you can plunder my dungeon any time”.

In one sense the film is redeemed by its ending: Zac once again throws the big basketball game in order to once again chase his woman. He has realised that his love for his family trumps his regrets about personal success (hooray, basketball doesn’t matter!). In another sense, it renders the whole film rather pointless– if he got it right the first time, was there really any need to go back? Surely if the time/space continuum needs to be rearranged in order to show him that he likes his family, there’s something a bit off. So what message did I take home?

Here are the possibilities that occur:
1. We can’t change our decisions, so just get on with it;
2. Love is good but teenage sex is (mostly) bad;
3. Nerds have more fun; or my favourite–
4. Sometimes we need to be reminded of what we really care about by being thrown through rips in reality by Santa Claus lookalikes.

Obviously I’m not the target demographic for this movie. I went with five females, all significantly younger than I am, and they all seemed to enjoy it, even while acknowledging its silliness. I also feel obligated to note that my girlfriend also enjoys quality cinema, and additionally to point out that all of us have our faults.

2/5

Saul Alexander

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